It seems like its been forever since I've posted... Ok. So it HAS been forever. School, training and life totally got in my way. But that would be an excuse, so really its just that I haven't made posting a priority. I haven't really made eating right and being careful a priority either. Sigh. Now the guilt sets in. Guilt about eating that cheeseburger, guilt about eating those fries, guilt about the milk shakes and the chocolate and the brownies and the list could continue. I've been off of my eating plan for close to three weeks, and for some miraculous reason have not gained a ton of weight. However, I'm disappointed with myself. I run 5 days a week and do weight training for at least 3 of those days. I ride horses and I burn tons of calories each day. Since I am spending all of this time burning calories, why am I so quick to put them right back on? I am so frustrated with myself. So very frustrated.
When I am running, I feel like a winner. I feel strong and sexy and driven. But when it comes to food, its like I have no control. But I must just be letting food win. I must be giving it that control. I have control in other areas of my life and I make good decisions in those areas. I have stuck to my half marathon training plan, I force myself to work hard during each run even though it sometimes scares me, I force myself to have good form while lifting and to lift weights that are challenging. And then I go and fail to plan my meals. I fail to plan my schedule. I fail to plan things that effect my weight loss. I dont know if I will ever figure out why I do this, but I know how to pick myself up and continue on my journey.
I got lost on Pintrest this morning. I found dozens of pictures and quotes and just good thoughts. I found before and after pictures from girls just like me! And then I got sad. I got sad that I gave up and sad that I didnt think I could do it.Then that sad feeling melted into sheer determination and a new lease on my journey. Pintrest has inspired me and people have inspired me and I have inspired myself. I have come so far since I started and even though it has taken me a lot longer, I am proud to be where I am. Now I just need to keep moving forward.
So here's to staying determined, getting back on the wagon, and going after what you want. I WILL be healthy. I WILL feel better. I WILL be who I am supposed to be.
Will you?
-Charity
I am beginning to really believe the phrase "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail". Must begin planning!! I need to get to my race weight...
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
I just need to get my stuff in a pile.
Oh the life of a grad student. Half the time I feel insane, and the other half of the time I feel like I have no idea what's going on. Neither of these helps me, and I end up feeling chaotic, out of control and so freaking lazy. I think I trick myself sometimes thinking "Oh hey, I was working for seven hours today and then went to a three hour class, somehow that means I deserve the biggest brownie ever". And it is because of this that I feel like a baby hippo. Yes, I said it. A baby hippo. Food for me has always been a battle. I will eat until I think I might throw up. And I will eat when I have already eaten. Or when I feel I deserve a reward (even though one of my favorite body building ladies says never to reward yourself with food because you are not a dog). Or when I am sad. Or when I am thirsty. Or when I dont know how I feel. And this, ALL of this is frustrating. I work out almost 8 times a week, and I am still the same size that I never wanted to be. Now, size isnt whats really important. I am so much more focused on being healthy and feeling good, so size doesnt really matter, but in the grand scheme of things, it does. My life revolves around food. Food with friends, food with the love of my life, food with parents, food on the drive, grocery shopping, food on the way home, etc. My life is like one big potluck that never ends. And I need to stop this party.
No more eating crap. No more feeling like crap. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this, but I do have a feeling that I will find a way.
On another note, I ran a 5k this weekend with a very dear friend of mine. I wasnt planning on doing it a few weeks ago, but when she asked I couldnt turn her down. After I was done with the race and was stuffing my face with a bagel (see? food as reward), I realized how awesome it was to be able to just sign up for a race that was coming up in a week or so. And how awesome it felt to know that I could do it. And that I was ready for it. And that I would do it. THAT is empowering. This is why I run. This is why I work out. I work out to run, and I run to escape, to cope, to believe, and to ground myself. Oh, and to empower and awaken the living beast inside of me. I have never fought so hard for something like running. Except for maybe weightloss. But thats a whole new story. So running has become my new coping skill. I just wish I could find the way to eliminate the eating skill.
This weeks workouts are exciting. Mileage is going up and I'm worried about fitting it all in. But in the end, I know I can do it. And I know I have the support of the best person I know :-) Apparently I inspire people.
Until next time,
Charity <3
No more eating crap. No more feeling like crap. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this, but I do have a feeling that I will find a way.
On another note, I ran a 5k this weekend with a very dear friend of mine. I wasnt planning on doing it a few weeks ago, but when she asked I couldnt turn her down. After I was done with the race and was stuffing my face with a bagel (see? food as reward), I realized how awesome it was to be able to just sign up for a race that was coming up in a week or so. And how awesome it felt to know that I could do it. And that I was ready for it. And that I would do it. THAT is empowering. This is why I run. This is why I work out. I work out to run, and I run to escape, to cope, to believe, and to ground myself. Oh, and to empower and awaken the living beast inside of me. I have never fought so hard for something like running. Except for maybe weightloss. But thats a whole new story. So running has become my new coping skill. I just wish I could find the way to eliminate the eating skill.
This weeks workouts are exciting. Mileage is going up and I'm worried about fitting it all in. But in the end, I know I can do it. And I know I have the support of the best person I know :-) Apparently I inspire people.
Until next time,
Charity <3
Monday, January 30, 2012
Oh the things that keep me entertained.
Alright. Let me put this into a visual for you. I'm on the treadmill doing my first run in over two weeks (which went GREAT btw). And this guy walks in. Small afro, white guy, dressed in an 80's tank top and tight sweat pants. He gets on the mats in front of my treadmill and starts stretching. Now, up to this point it was no big deal. It looked normal. But then he started doing karate moves and whispering to himself something about "soofra" and he lost me. I lost it. I could not contain my laughter. The best part was how serious he looked. Straight face, concentrated eyes. No loss in focus. This guy was legit! But oh my. Three miles later I realized I was done with my run and had been watching him the entire time. I guess it flew by because of it. So, thanks guy with the afro?
Anyway. Yesterday was supposed to be my first run but because I am incredibly awesome I got to the gym the exact time the gym was closing. LAME. And then I considered running outside like I have done so many times before. Except there was a huge snow storm and I couldnt see 20 feet in front of me. Again, I have the best life. So today was my first run. And today felt awesome. I felt so strong and incredibly excited about the training to come. I even did my run between classes, which was amazing for me. I finally have a night where I am not in the gym until 10 PM. Although I cant wait to be in a place that has a 24 hour gym so that I can run around 1 or 2 in the morning. I hope wherever I get a job I can find a gym like that. Cross your fingers!
Tomorrow is another run, but no weights. I might add a nice set of body exercises in just to keep it interesting. Whats on your schedule for tomorrow? Anything fun?
I'll post an update on tomorrow's run. I've missed running, and its sad that I cant wait until next weekend for my 8 miler. Woo hoo!
Happy Training,
Charity <3
Anyway. Yesterday was supposed to be my first run but because I am incredibly awesome I got to the gym the exact time the gym was closing. LAME. And then I considered running outside like I have done so many times before. Except there was a huge snow storm and I couldnt see 20 feet in front of me. Again, I have the best life. So today was my first run. And today felt awesome. I felt so strong and incredibly excited about the training to come. I even did my run between classes, which was amazing for me. I finally have a night where I am not in the gym until 10 PM. Although I cant wait to be in a place that has a 24 hour gym so that I can run around 1 or 2 in the morning. I hope wherever I get a job I can find a gym like that. Cross your fingers!
Tomorrow is another run, but no weights. I might add a nice set of body exercises in just to keep it interesting. Whats on your schedule for tomorrow? Anything fun?
I'll post an update on tomorrow's run. I've missed running, and its sad that I cant wait until next weekend for my 8 miler. Woo hoo!
Happy Training,
Charity <3
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Minor Anxiety.
Why you ask? Because I just realized that my first half marathon of the season is in 92 days. Yikes! After I finished my 30 days of running and 160 miles I decided to take a week off to give myself and my body time to recover. That was TWO weeks ago because my foot still felt sore from my 30 days of running. Needless to say, now I am more panicked about my two races and the mileage I have chosen to train with. I did my first half last year, and even though I think it went well, it is a daunting task to train for. I chose a really cool training plan that I think will help my time a little. But I've never done this type of intensive training before. There is a 14 mile run on the plan. 14 miles! That will be my longest run yet. I am slightly terrified, but am oh-so willing to take on the challenge.
When I think about racing I think a lot about triathlons and how many of them I want to do this year. However, amidst graduating and trying to find a job to support my addiction I feel like this would be the year to take off and to really train for some next year. That sounds so sad. Its the first time I've really admitted it. Before I figured I could just do a few here and few there, but with interviews mixed in? I dont know if it would be wise. I need to be at my peak for both. So long triathlons, I will miss you this year! But next year I will return in full force!
Tomorrow starts my half marathon training plan. Its an easy week because I made sure to add a week of slow short runs in. But after that I'll be doing between 4 and 6 miles daily, and that doesnt include the long runs. EEK! Its so scary and exhilirating at the same time. I think something is wrong with me. Haha.
I also set a weight loss goal for myself because I have been stuck at the same freakin' weight for far too long. My goal is to lose 11 pounds by March 21st. March 21st might seem weird to you all, but for me it is the start of my career at the American Counseling Association Conference. I will be interviewing with perspective employers and hopefully making some great networking connections! (And hopefully looking awesome in my new-you lost 11 pounds-suit!) So that is my goal. 11 pounds. At some point I am actually going to have to start eating like I mean 11 pounds lost and not 11 pounds gained.
So tomorrow's plan is circuit training in the morning and then a nice n' easy 2 mile run. I cannot wait to run! Its been far too long. Long enough for me to say "Hello. My name is Charity and I am an addict. It has been two weeks and 4 days since my last high, and I plan on falling off the wagon tomorrow." Running and exercising ARE my addiction... well, besides my addicition to ice cream and sweets. AH! I just cant quit it sometimes. It is a work in progress though.
Until tomorrow's post, answer this question for me... What are you addicted to?
Happy Running,Cycling and Swimming,
Charity <3
When I think about racing I think a lot about triathlons and how many of them I want to do this year. However, amidst graduating and trying to find a job to support my addiction I feel like this would be the year to take off and to really train for some next year. That sounds so sad. Its the first time I've really admitted it. Before I figured I could just do a few here and few there, but with interviews mixed in? I dont know if it would be wise. I need to be at my peak for both. So long triathlons, I will miss you this year! But next year I will return in full force!
Tomorrow starts my half marathon training plan. Its an easy week because I made sure to add a week of slow short runs in. But after that I'll be doing between 4 and 6 miles daily, and that doesnt include the long runs. EEK! Its so scary and exhilirating at the same time. I think something is wrong with me. Haha.
I also set a weight loss goal for myself because I have been stuck at the same freakin' weight for far too long. My goal is to lose 11 pounds by March 21st. March 21st might seem weird to you all, but for me it is the start of my career at the American Counseling Association Conference. I will be interviewing with perspective employers and hopefully making some great networking connections! (And hopefully looking awesome in my new-you lost 11 pounds-suit!) So that is my goal. 11 pounds. At some point I am actually going to have to start eating like I mean 11 pounds lost and not 11 pounds gained.
So tomorrow's plan is circuit training in the morning and then a nice n' easy 2 mile run. I cannot wait to run! Its been far too long. Long enough for me to say "Hello. My name is Charity and I am an addict. It has been two weeks and 4 days since my last high, and I plan on falling off the wagon tomorrow." Running and exercising ARE my addiction... well, besides my addicition to ice cream and sweets. AH! I just cant quit it sometimes. It is a work in progress though.
Until tomorrow's post, answer this question for me... What are you addicted to?
Happy Running,Cycling and Swimming,
Charity <3
Friday, January 27, 2012
I'm not the only 'crazy' out there
Hey people!! You're probably wondering why the title is what it is... So I will explain.
Right before 2010 started I decided I wanted to do something I considered 'crazy'... Enter the triathlon. This was something that I watched on TV every now and then, but nothing that I ever thought I would do. I mean, I could swim, and I had biked before, and I knew if I could walk then I could probably run... Right? Right. Kind of.
I was raised as a swimmer. And when I say that, I'm not kidding. It would be comparable to someone saying they were raised Italian. But for me, it was swimming. I started at the ripe age of 4, and soon all of my siblings (there are four of us total) were swimming for the team. Fourteen years later I was graduating from high school (as a swimmer, no doubt), and had been on both the local YMCA team and on my high school team.I think it would be safe to say that at this point I had slight disdain for the sport I had dedicated most of my adolescence to. And then after taking almost four years off, I missed being competitive. I missed being "athletic" (I guess you could say I somewhat was!). I missed 'training'. And so I began my search for a sport that would allow me to show my 'crazy' and to 'train' and be 'athletic' again. I never thought it would include a return to the water.
Once I got the idea in my head that I was going to do a triathlon, nothing stopped me. Not the fear of combining training with school, not the fear of being the only chubby girl out there, not the fear that it would conflict with my student teaching, and definitely not the fear that I wouldn't finish. I was COMMITTED. And for me, that meant serious business.
Two years later I look back and think that I was crazy. And that the people around me, the ones who saw me running everyday, and the ones who smelled only chlorine even after I showered, and the ones that saw me riding around in my spandex with my bike "Freud", I'm going to guess they thought I was crazy as well. The biggest lesson I have learned since then is that I am not alone. I am not the only crazy out there. And the growing strength of the sport proves it.
The other part of this story included more than just a desire to be back into something. It included the desire to lose weight. I had always been heavier, but never as heavy as I was before I decided to do a triathlon. I had gained almost 50 pounds during undergrad, and I was not about the graduate looking like I had another person under my gown. Since then, I have lost almost 30 of those pounds. It has been difficult. It has been torturous. It has made me cry and laugh and hate my weekends. But two years have gone by and I am obsessed with exercise, triathlons, and (get this)... Half marathons. I became a half marathon runner when the most I had run before was a 5k. Like I said, I have a little bit of crazy, and a lot of determination.
Throughout my journey people have been, lets say amazed, at my attitude, my struggles, my determination and my drive. I love what I do. I love my new life. I love love love the hard work I put into things. Therefore, I am hoping that this blog will serve as my own personal commitment to both training hard and further pursuing my weight goal, and to also help inspire other people to get involved with being physical. I like to say to people that ask... If I can, You can. No excuses.
I hope this blog will help motivate and inspire you, and will also motivate and inspire me. I cannot wait to share my stories and hear your thoughts. Please comment as often as you would like!
Just keep running/swimming/biking,
Charity <3
Right before 2010 started I decided I wanted to do something I considered 'crazy'... Enter the triathlon. This was something that I watched on TV every now and then, but nothing that I ever thought I would do. I mean, I could swim, and I had biked before, and I knew if I could walk then I could probably run... Right? Right. Kind of.
I was raised as a swimmer. And when I say that, I'm not kidding. It would be comparable to someone saying they were raised Italian. But for me, it was swimming. I started at the ripe age of 4, and soon all of my siblings (there are four of us total) were swimming for the team. Fourteen years later I was graduating from high school (as a swimmer, no doubt), and had been on both the local YMCA team and on my high school team.I think it would be safe to say that at this point I had slight disdain for the sport I had dedicated most of my adolescence to. And then after taking almost four years off, I missed being competitive. I missed being "athletic" (I guess you could say I somewhat was!). I missed 'training'. And so I began my search for a sport that would allow me to show my 'crazy' and to 'train' and be 'athletic' again. I never thought it would include a return to the water.
Once I got the idea in my head that I was going to do a triathlon, nothing stopped me. Not the fear of combining training with school, not the fear of being the only chubby girl out there, not the fear that it would conflict with my student teaching, and definitely not the fear that I wouldn't finish. I was COMMITTED. And for me, that meant serious business.
Two years later I look back and think that I was crazy. And that the people around me, the ones who saw me running everyday, and the ones who smelled only chlorine even after I showered, and the ones that saw me riding around in my spandex with my bike "Freud", I'm going to guess they thought I was crazy as well. The biggest lesson I have learned since then is that I am not alone. I am not the only crazy out there. And the growing strength of the sport proves it.
The other part of this story included more than just a desire to be back into something. It included the desire to lose weight. I had always been heavier, but never as heavy as I was before I decided to do a triathlon. I had gained almost 50 pounds during undergrad, and I was not about the graduate looking like I had another person under my gown. Since then, I have lost almost 30 of those pounds. It has been difficult. It has been torturous. It has made me cry and laugh and hate my weekends. But two years have gone by and I am obsessed with exercise, triathlons, and (get this)... Half marathons. I became a half marathon runner when the most I had run before was a 5k. Like I said, I have a little bit of crazy, and a lot of determination.
Throughout my journey people have been, lets say amazed, at my attitude, my struggles, my determination and my drive. I love what I do. I love my new life. I love love love the hard work I put into things. Therefore, I am hoping that this blog will serve as my own personal commitment to both training hard and further pursuing my weight goal, and to also help inspire other people to get involved with being physical. I like to say to people that ask... If I can, You can. No excuses.
I hope this blog will help motivate and inspire you, and will also motivate and inspire me. I cannot wait to share my stories and hear your thoughts. Please comment as often as you would like!
Just keep running/swimming/biking,
Charity <3
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